Finding me - A conversation

From Meera, to Sam. This is one of those convo's that defines me. However much I resist, I know that somewhere definetily someone is watching closely. The transformation - What I was to what I am. Thanks for keeping an eye out for me Meera. It makes a lot of difference.

Here is the conversation that makes me ramble :

Meera: any updates last week?

sam: none

They are integrating the features with GRM

Meera: hmmm .. and is BA working on a dashboard or something in the meanwhile

sam: ye

yes, they havent confirmed on that yet

as

they wanted us to play with grm

for a bit

see what works what doesnt

Meera: wokies, seems fair

:)

but we would have liked it to be separate dont we>?

sam: Voted, although I dont get many mails :)

TOTALLY, separate would be ideal

Meera: would have been really nice that way, considering resources and extra tools, we can't say anything to adding up features

:(

what rests is that ppl know you worked on it and thats what is important now

:P

sam: yea, seriously

in the end, if your name isnt up thre...

All is duped

Meera: heheh, thats all you need to make sure eh?

sometimes its like our life is reduced to a showcase

maybe a pretty one, yet needs publicity

:D

sam: :)

Meera: long time since I had talks with you like this :)

sam: and looks like we are getting into the murky waters more and more as time passes.

:)

Yea, I agree.

Meera: so truee ...

sam: Long time since I spoke like this at all

Meera: uhuh???

thats strange of Sam

sam: :)

Yea, agreed. It happens rarely

Meera: I see her talking more like this

sam: her?

who?

Meera: you only

in third person though

:P

lemme finish

this .... the days I sat right beside her

seems they have changed

sam: oooh... I have a serious face, true. But someone should be interested to derive something of interest in what you are saying as well right.

Meera: :)

sam: I go in deep, when I see that someneis genuinely interested in listening to what I have to say

Meera: agreed, and you say you have no takers for what you wanna say??

sam: :)

Meera: is that what you're trying to get thru?

sam: Finish what you were saying

;) I ll barge in after you have finished

Meera: its complete, not a proper sentence, but basically that my neighbor Sam seems to have acquired a more mature and professional face

than that of the chirpy girly Sam that I always see her as

:)

sam: :)

Is it good?

or bad?

what do you feel?

Meera: I like the fact that you are learning that from being a fresher outta college (all of us are learning that at work right?)

but, sometimes I miss seeing "YOU"

as in the Sam I like to see

if you ask me, I'd want you to bring more balance into this

sam: I am here meera, for those who want to see me.

:)

Meera: roles that you have to play at work .... and the one that you are :)

sam: Seriously!

Meera: hmm .. maybe my eyes arent opened wide enough

sam: I have such a fight with it

:D

Meera: I know you sweetheart

and I trust you will

sam: May be,,,,,,

Meera: and everyday

:)

sam: Everyday, for a long time, I would come in, and it was like an overcoat

Meera: ha ha! thats like Jibran saying "Maybe" which I take as a 'Yes' ;)

sam: You waer it when you go out, and you take it off when you walk in

Meera: but why such an overcoat?

a jacket would be enough ...

:D

sam: :) Yeaa...

Meera: am not saying do without it

sam: I like the word overcoal

Meera: but maybe cut the sleeves short

sam: overcoat

Meera: and reduce the length

sam: :D

Meera: and then dont button up

sam: I like the lenth

:D

Meera: and there you are

sam: Yea, buttons can be spared

Meera: with that puurrfect balanced

:)

sam: :)

Umm... may be you need to question it this way

Do you need an overcoat?

Was an overcoat always taken off you?

Meera: can I answer ..... Yes you do

sam: Or was it a part of your attire, everyday?

Meera: But maybe I liek to customize it

sam: :)

yea....

Meera: It is a part of my attire everyday

sam: :) With times, and fashion

Meera: taken off wen I go home to rest

sam: Overcoat happens to get more

Meera: yes, with times and fashion

sam: happening

:)

Meera: but keep some basic things in the overcoat unchanged

the amount it conceals

and the amount of you it reveals

:)

sam: :)

Are you saying that I am not revealing enough?

Meera: yes Ma'am

either as you say, my eyes are not wide enough

sam: :D

Meera: beingused to seeing you without the overcoat

and suddenly with one

I cant seem to figure you out

in that whole chunk of cloth

;)

sam: you know, you may have seen it on your own,

Meera: you practically get lost in it

:D

sam: From your experiences. Sometimes, what you wera can scare other ppl

Meera: of course!

completely

sam: So much so, that you may be ostracised from the society

Meera: very much!

sam: so, to fit in, you need to be like others

Keep a pace with how they are

:)

May be, in the end, my fight said, its best to waer this one

and so, picked it up and have been wearing it since

Meera: yep madame, thats so how you should live, but still ..... you need not necessarily need to be jus like them

you jus need to have a slimy robe that looks like what they are wearing

and sometimes they see a flash of all the colors inside

and wonder .. hmm this gal dresses up pretty well you know

;)

sam: :)

Thank you

I ll keep that in mind

May be in sometime

I ll find the right fit

Meera: I'm happy we had this talk and glad we're still the same

sam: I am still fighting the extreme polls

:)

We are

Arent we

Meera: though we're neighbors differently now

sam: :)

Meera: :P

sam: :D

Meera: you'll have to fight it for sometime, then, I'm sure you'lll know thats an art

and maybe would look at it in your own creative way

would give more dimension

sam: :)

Yea, much more comfortable surely

Meera: :)

See you tomorrow Sam .. and once again, love to be your friend

and always wish I see your colors bright shining on you

:D

sam: :)

I am saving this chat

:)

Meera: heheh

sam: me leaving as well

:)

bbye

Meera: oh please do! I love to be remembered as well

sam: Totally love you Meera

Meera: ;)
Love you too Saaaaaaaaaam :D

Love is ...

... when you wake up thinking of no one else but, that person!

where do you draw a line?

when there are very many differences

where do you say

enough with dignified dignity?

where do you draw the line

to save your dignity?

And I am surprised by the way things work out here. Each one likes to be a part of a herd. The herd likes to believe that all are different and unique. All are talented and better than the rest.

Good, all this is good, for them and their egos (to some extent). But what about isolating one to just be in the good books of others? just blindly following what is being told, what is expected to be in good books of others. Sounds like adolescent teenager's woe... !

Too bad there is only so much you can do with some people, if only they went a step down and looked around. Everything would be different.

Blasphemy!

Apologising does not mean you are wrong and others are right. It means you respect your relationship more than your ego.

Remember Sam.

♫ False impressions, and false images ... who Am I kidding here?
No one cares, no one dares... Its all a part of this world.


Just do your bit and move on.



Thats It.

i and I

So i and I write this post, celebrating us.

I: leave it ra its not going to make a difference
i : That does not mean you don't say it.
(Fighting over who is 'i' and who is 'I')

I dont think any of this would make sense to someone who is reading. It shouldn't also.

I: what happened?.. are you missing your better half
i: NO, i am not missing my partner :P
I: its OK, its natural to miss your partner
i: (Whatever expression on face )

p.s No clarity is expected out of this post for anyone expect i and I.

YES you can go and come back whenever...

but i am a dynamic being changing every

moment

becoming someone else, something else

embracing change

i am not my yesterdays self

for yesterdays lessons have changed me

If you have gone too far off in your wanderings

and it takes a while t0 return

be aware....i may have changed so you may not feel

me the way you knew me to be

these are the days of spiritual

exploration

times when realisations are sudden and

profound

times when one truely moves towards the

ONE

overcoming all duality

my love for you is in the process of becoming

my love for all

this does not mean there wont be enough for us

it would be enough and more

just come soon enough to not be taken aback by the inclusion

(this post has no date...it has been writen but its time has not come yet...its like a post dated cheque)

♫ False impressions, and false Images ... who am I kidding here?
The fact is no one cares, rarely dares...
Its all a part of this world.
Do your bit and move on..

Thats It!

My Stoney Self

So, this is what I had to become to get adjusted in my small little world of corporate, at Google.

A self which rarely acknowledges the fact that there is more to me than what this world wants to see. Looks like after a long fight, I have slowly succumbed to this world. I am no longer 'I am what I am' I am now, I am what 'this world' wants me to be.

Umm... Too complicated to understand unless you have gone through a transition which you have consciously fought against. Anyways. Feel totally thrashed and worthless after this realization.